They say first impressions don’t matter as long as you’re a good person, but it does- as many people can tell very quickly what kind of person you are just from a brief conversation.
In dating, there is a common rant about the “friend zone”. A lot of women from going out with you briefly can tell whether you are fish for this. Throughout my years of dating, I’ve only had this brought up 3 times, one because she loved to associate herself with as many men she could, many after sleeping with them, and then craved their attention. I tend to have a very blunt attitude- that is, if I find someone attractive and have a romantic interest, she would know very quickly. Id ask to go on a date, and we would at least kiss. If there is no evidence of romantic attractiveness between us, we usually wouldn’t see each other again. It doesn’t take a month or two of casual conversation like friends to determine whether anything is happening between us. There was an excellent quote by a woman- though I don’t remember the exact numbers, it was along the lines of:
It takes seconds to determine attractiveness, hours to determine compatibility, weeks to determine whether we’re keepers.
I was told I always had a blunt attitude. When I want something in life, whether it be a romance, new car, better job, a house, or more- I go for it, regardless of the pain. If I feel you won’t give me what I want, then I’ll look elsewhere for it. Whether it’s a sufficient paycheque to get to the career, house and car I want, or a specific routine the acquire the desired body image. Just because Joe has a Ferrari or the perfect physique, does not automatically mean I can’t have those too. And, if I am interested in you, you’ll know, and it won’t take you 2 months to know. If you don’t like me enough, then I won’t talk to you for 2 months to change your mind.
Some men also will text or call a woman many times a day, or buy multiple gifts- almost to the point of desperation. Many women love this attention and know how to take advantage of such men- often for financial motives. From experience they will know who to go after.
I don’t say too much when I first meet people, but from a few conversations quickly you can catch what kind of person I am. Even easier so for romances.
In summary, most of the women I met throughout the years realize I won’t put up with it and don’t even bother asking the question. A lot of men do, so that’s why they’re stuck.
As for job hunting, from a brief word with the recruiter, they can also quickly tell what kind of person you are.
– Desperation reflects your value. A more employable person knows his/her wage worth and has a much easier time remain in employed. A smarter person usually has savings to boot and can withstand a budget deficit longer to scout the better work. Some companies seeking cheap, below-market labour love these types.
– A blunt attitude reflects that you like to get things done and move up quick. Not so great for a lot of entry-level roles where they like people to fit into the clique, though- especially if many are inexperienced and the company likes people who would never leave, leading to lower turnover costs and less disruption in the culture. In those cases it’s better to not say anything.
– Talking about the industry and being accurate reflects experience… Pretty straightforward.
– Showing fear about the recent fall in oil prices reflects your employability. Those normally good at staying working for various reasons are still working. The market is more correcting itself. Unfortunately it may mean that you actually have to be close now, versus a dozen hours away.
– Ranting about long hours or working too much shows you don’t want to work. Good for 40-hour workweek roles, not so good for longer workweeks.